Thu 22 Apr 2010

50 Is the New 30, Or Is It?

Posted by devriesd under Life Changes, Next stages
[8,098] Comments

I have seen in print that 60 is the new 40, 50 is the new 30, 40 is the new 30. You get the idea, but I wonder if it really is true. Now just to be crystal clear, I will not be identifying my actual age here, but suffice it to say I fall into one of the 3 categories. I certainly don’t “feel” as old as I am, but every so often I get a glimpse of myself, see my reflection walking somewhere and am utterly shocked at the vision! Can that really be me? Or is it my mother?

I also have noticed that there are a lot of people around who are younger than me. I used to be the young person and now I am one of the older ones if not the oldest one. So if it is true that 50 is the new 30 and you get to be smarter and wiser-wow! It sounds like a great concept, but unfortunately with age and wisdom come cynicism.

I recently updated my resume and of course realized as soon as I identify that graduation date the reader will figure out how old I am unless I imply in some way and would probably have to document that I was gifted and graduated from college as a 13 year old. It could have happened. If you leave the date off it looks like you didn’t graduate and you also have to give dates of employment.

I get the feeling that unless you are applying for a job where they know you and have recruited you, they want younger, read cheaper, candidates. Maybe I am imagining it, maybe not.

Is anyone else imagining it? How can you be experienced and young? When do you stop being young? Has the number changed; has it actually lowered lately? Is 50 the new 70?

 

Sun 11 Apr 2010

Are You My Mother?

Posted by bridgetf under Life Changes
[7,274] Comments

My mother has given up cooking. And she is not alone. I have met a variety of women her age who are no longer making the family meals—by choice. Of course their families are now only two people, but still they have to eat. Plus, my mother is Italian and cooking is such a big part of her culture. For her to give up cooking is like Stephen King saying he is no longer going to write, or Jack LaLanne choosing not to exercise anymore. These activities are such a huge part of who they are.

Now I know she is so much more then a cook, but cooking has always been a brilliant facet of who she is to me. So my question is, who are we? Are we merely a compilation of the things we do or is there much more to it then that? When I meet new people they often ask “what do you do?” and not “who are you?” Although I have been asked the later in a rather rude way, but I am sure not because the asker really wanted to know who I was on a philosophical level and it was followed by “and why are you here?”

I keep thinking of that little duck in the children’s story asking every animal “Are you my mother?”  He obviously didn’t define himself as a duck, but he seemed to relate to what the other animals were doing. How much of what we do is a part of who we are? And since I am not sure how to define what I do right now, does that mean I am unsure of who I am?

So who are you? I mean what do you do? Or do I?

 

Thu 1 Apr 2010

Stuff It

Posted by devriesd under Life Changes, Next stages
[8,355] Comments

Every time I anticipate any change or find any change hoisted upon me in my life I am struck by an urge to cut down on my stuff. So you can imagine this has been a fairly frequent situation for me over the last year with losing my job, having my youngest go off to college and officially be “empty nesters” and talking with my husband about how long we are going to stay in the house we have filled with stuff for 21 years. Maybe it is a sense of closure, out with the old, on with the new, or it may be part of the process for me. Maybe I am getting ready for the next phase by reflecting on the past– looking at all my stuff and trying to get rid of some of it.

The definition of stuff: according to Webster is: “materials, supplies, or equipment used in various activities: as personal property, possessions”. And I have a lot of it. I have filled a basement the size of a 2-car garage with stuff. In the actual garage we can only use one side for parking a car as the other side is filled with more stuff. My dad lives 30 minutes from me in the house I grew up in as one of 5 kids and that house is filled with stuff as well. I think the situation is getting worse; my grandparents didn’t have this much stuff.

I believe that our stuff defines us. Without our stuff it would be like living in a hotel room.  It is a way to preserve who we are and what we did, kind of a living museum. But before one becomes a hoarder something happens that makes us pause and do some purging or in my case a change occurs and I am going through boxes! Do I really need to keep every skateboard, soccer ball, ice skate that my daughters used? Can I finally get rid of the bins of Beanie Babies? I think is it official that the worth of this collection will not even cover their books let alone my original plan to pay for college tuition. At the peak of this frenzy, I actually called McDonalds in the metro area to ask what Teenie Beanie Babies they were giving away and then would drive over to buy a Happy Meals.

Tell me about your stuff and how do you prevent having it overtake you? Is it part of your change process or does something else trigger your need to get rid of stuff?

 

Wed 24 Mar 2010

To Text Or Not To Text

Posted by bridgetf under Career Changes
[8,273] Comments

I remember a song from my youth called McArthur Park, something about leaving a cake out in the rain. I didn’t understand it then and I don’t understand it now. My point? That I wasn’t born yesterday, and yes, there are still things I don’t understand—perhaps never will.

One of those things is the expected time period for receiving and returning correspondence. In the days of my youth, before OS X, heck before computers even, I learned that the appropriate time period to return a letter (you remember something you mailed at the post office) was three to five days. Later, when I took a few business computer course early in my career, I learned if you responded to email and phone calls within 24 hours that was terrific. And if you couldn’t provide the information requested in that time period, a quick “Thanks for your email, I will get back to you on that” as an acknowledgement that you received the request and were working on an answer was a good idea.

But what about text messages and Instant Messages? Just the term “Instant Message” seems to imply you need to be instantaneous in your response. As I like to be thoughtful and accurate, instantaneous doesn’t always work and so I avoid the whole “IM” scene. That leaves text messages. I don’t often send text messages or reply to them because I don’t want people to think I “text” anymore then I “IM”. Why don’t I text? Because I can’t figure out the proper response time. Is it just a short email and the 24 hour rule applies? Is it more like an IM and thus an instantaneous reply is expected? Is it even appropriate to expect people you work with to use and reply to text messages?? So if someone sends me a text message to say they are going to be late for a conference call and I terminate the conference call after 10 minutes thinking they are a no show because I never saw the text message something like a tree falling in the woods with no one there to hear it?

What is the proper use of text messages in the work world? Is it an expectation for everyone?

What do you think??

 

Thu 11 Mar 2010

Pass the Salt Shaker

Posted by bridgetf under Life Changes, Next stages
[6,412] Comments

Recently we took a trip, along with a few other good women, to a small village in England. The goal: to do nothing but enjoy ourselves and escape our daily lives. We rented a beautiful cottage from the National Trust in a small village that has been seen in films such as Harry Potter and Pride and Prejudice. Yes, we were told that Colin Firth had actually sat on the sofa. We ate at lovely local restaurants, drank in the pub every night and got to know the locals who referred to us as the “American Ladies in the House.”

It did not surprise me that I could turn off my normal life, leave my worries behind and successfully represent American’s everywhere in a Pub quiz (we came in second). What did surprise me was that we could fly halfway around the world, arrive at Heathrow on various airlines, at various times, in various terminals and find each other with little more planning then to say “let’s meet at the luggage carousal.”

In my past life, before lay off, I wouldn’t have left the house with out a thoroughly organized plan and a back up plan. Everyone traveling with me would have had to participate in at least one conference call and would have received a variety of emails with proper written documentation. Everyone would have known what to do if plan A failed and plan B needed to be implemented or even plan C. Contact information, emergency contact information, and who to contact in case of the apocalypse would have been provided.

So when did I go from being part of the Planning Gestapo to having this Margarita Ville type of attitude? How did I acquire this state of calm, this “all will be right with the world in due time” attitude? Does not being stressed every day because you can’t possibly accomplish all that is expected of you have an impact? Is it because I now only take on assignments I can do and want to do? Does actually stopping to smell the roses, even if you are forced to, have an empowering effect?

So what is your attitude now that you have been with out a job for some time? Is it a daily act of self-control or did a certain level of calmness sneak up on you too? Do you feel better, worse, indifferent?

And most importantly, what are you going to do about it?

 

Tue 2 Mar 2010

Death, Taxes, and the Nordstrom Bill

Posted by devriesd under Life Changes, Next stages
[7,222] Comments

It appears to me that as I get older and look back at what was important to me in my work life, I find each decade can be characterized differently. I also find I have inadvertently come full circle. I hope this doesn’t mean I am about to die or something.

The 20’s- high need to change the world, make a difference. Did not really care about the money as much I cared about the mission.

The 30’s- high need to do it all, career, marriage, and children. Realization that I needed to pay my Nordstrom’s bill.

The 40’s- recognition that while I can do it all, something has to give, so one foregoes sleep, tries to attend children’s functions, and is constantly negotiating with time spent with work, husband, children. A desperate need for flexibility.

The 50’s- realization I will not change the world but now want to give back to the world, make a difference and still need to pay my Nordstrom’s bill.

Isn’t there a line like “the only definites in life are death and taxes”. My version of that is “the only definites in life are wanting to make a difference and the Nordstrom’s bill.”

What are your definites?

 

Mon 15 Feb 2010

Daily Rituals

Posted by bridgetf under Lay off, Unemployment
[6,321] Comments

Without the structure a job can provide for the day, sometimes I find myself waking up in the morning feeling like I have no direction.  Some women tell us it helps to have a daily ritual to start the day. The idea is to do something to start your day that puts you in a positive frame of mind. You know, like that double mocha latte used to do when you could afford it. It doesn’t have to be anything substantial; it could be as simple as reciting something that makes you feel positive, a type of mantra. One woman told us she wakes up every morning and promises herself she will learn something new today. I would have to write that down and prop it on my bedside clock to remember it each morning, but you get the idea.

I have found that having a simple plan for what you are going to do the next day is helpful. It doesn’t have to be elaborate or even written down, but before you go to sleep, tick off on your fingers three things you plan on doing the next day. I usually make one about my financial situation like sending information about my consulting business or networking with contacts, one about something more personal like cleaning out my closet or at least putting new mothballs in my sweater drawer, and one about doing something new. It doesn’t have to be anything big, just new. It could be something simple like going to a park and taking a walk. But I try to do something that gets me looking at the world just a little differently.

What are your daily rituals?

Tell us your story….

 

Sun 7 Feb 2010

George Clooney, Need I Say More

Posted by devriesd under Lay off
[6,564] Comments

One day while both of my daughters were home for the holidays we went to the movies and saw “Up In The Air”. I didn’t really know what it was about but my daughters agreed to go with me and that in itself is reason enough to go; so much fun to sit between them with a huge container of buttered popcorn. And if I am being honest I would probably pay to see still pictures of George Clooney…gawd, the man is truly gorgeous and I read or heard somewhere that he doesn’t wear any makeup in the movie and apparently is always ready for a close up….I wonder what he looks like when he wakes up in the morning; hmmm, that thought could keep me occupied for the better part of the afternoon. But that is not why I decided to write about the movie.

George plays a character in the movie, Ryan Bingham, who flies around the nation laying people off for companies. He is personable, kind, and compassionate and did I mention wildly attractive? The story line includes life on the road, having a much younger colleague tell you what to do but my interest was all about the laying off process. The company George works for is planning to implement a remote system of informing people that their job had been eliminated-a system designed by a much younger person. He decides before the company does this the designer should experience first hand what he does day in and day out. She, of course, sees the errors of her way and is much more appreciative of the nuances of letting someone go.

Now I have been laid off and I have been the person delivering the layoff news. Just for the record, I prefer being the person delivering the news vs receiving the news. The movie does an excellent job of showing people’s reactions to the news. No one has an appropriate response to hearing this news from someone as good looking as George Clooney. But I laughed, I cringed, I felt badly for these people and realized this has to be one of the most traumatic things that can happen to you. On one level it could be argued that one deserves the respect of hearing this live and the opportunity to vent frustration, anger, sadness, and fear. On the other hand it could be argued it is best if the person getting the news can experience all of those emotions alone. I got a phone call which was pretty short. Maybe that was better as he didn’t look like George Clooney.

So have any of you been laid off by someone who even remotely looked like George Clooney or was as caring as George was in the process?

And which is better, in person or remote delivery of the news?

Tell us your story….

 

Mon 1 Feb 2010

And the Dog Said

Posted by bridgetf under Career Changes
[6,686] Comments

A while ago, we worked on a project that required interviewing a variety of individuals that worked from home. Telecommuting is what some companies call it, although there really isn’t much commuting involved. Actually there is no commuting involved and that is one of the things people like about working from home, along with the flexibility, and fewer distractions. When asked what they found difficult about working from home the number one answer was the lack of adult interaction.

We too have found this to be a challenge. Even with the number of conference calls we participate in regularly, sometimes you just want a little face-to-face. I find myself running for the door when I hear the mail lady pull up with an absurd desire to find out how her day is going. I am now on a first name basis with the propane deliveryman, the UPS man, and the Fish and Game guy. In fact, thanks to him, I know more about salmon spawning then anyone really needs to know. It may come in handy though should I ever decide to go into wildlife management.

These little interludes break up my day and give me the occasional break. I also find myself calling friends and family for a little chat when I need a break and I am proud to say I haven’t missed an opportunity to personally wish each of them a happy birthday in the last year. In exchange, I don’t have anyone “just stopping by with a quick question about the ABC project” as I would in an office situation, nor do I get roped into yet another committee meeting on lunchroom policy. Yes I am occasionally desperate for a little conversation and have resorted to holding talking to the dogs- they are great with eye contact, but lacking on verbalization skills. The trade offs, making my own hours, taking projects that interest me, and yes, rolling out of bed five minutes before my first call, sometimes make me question whether I really want another “real job”.

So what do you do to appease the loneliness of working from home?

Tell us your story….

 

Mon 4 Jan 2010

What To Do

Posted by bridgetf under Unemployment
[6,357] Comments

It has been a full year since being laid off. It went by so quickly. Yes I know, everyone says that at the end of the year. But it did and what really astounds me is I have barely made a dent in my “To Do” list.

I started a list of all the things I was going to do while unemployed at the beginning of the year mostly as a way to assure myself that I would be productive this year and there was an upside to the whole experience. I figured I would be constantly adding items as I crossed others off. (more…)

 

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