The Unstuck Woman

I have seen in print that 60 is the new 40, 50 is the new 30, 40 is the new 30. You get the idea, but I wonder if it really is true. Now just to be crystal clear, I will not be identifying my actual age here, but suffice it to say I fall into one of the 3 categories. I certainly don’t “feel” as old as I am, but every so often I get a glimpse of myself, see my reflection walking somewhere and am utterly shocked at the vision! Can that really be me? Or is it my mother?

I also have noticed that there are a lot of people around who are younger than me. I used to be the young person and now I am one of the older ones if not the oldest one. So if it is true that 50 is the new 30 and you get to be smarter and wiser-wow! It sounds like a great concept, but unfortunately with age and wisdom come cynicism.

I recently updated my resume and of course realized as soon as I identify that graduation date the reader will figure out how old I am unless I imply in some way and would probably have to document that I was gifted and graduated from college as a 13 year old. It could have happened. If you leave the date off it looks like you didn’t graduate and you also have to give dates of employment.

I get the feeling that unless you are applying for a job where they know you and have recruited you, they want younger, read cheaper, candidates. Maybe I am imagining it, maybe not.

Is anyone else imagining it? How can you be experienced and young? When do you stop being young? Has the number changed; has it actually lowered lately? Is 50 the new 70?

Every time I anticipate any change or find any change hoisted upon me in my life I am struck by an urge to cut down on my stuff. So you can imagine this has been a fairly frequent situation for me over the last year with losing my job, having my youngest go off to college and officially be “empty nesters” and talking with my husband about how long we are going to stay in the house we have filled with stuff for 21 years. Maybe it is a sense of closure, out with the old, on with the new, or it may be part of the process for me. Maybe I am getting ready for the next phase by reflecting on the past– looking at all my stuff and trying to get rid of some of it.

The definition of stuff: according to Webster is: “materials, supplies, or equipment used in various activities: as personal property, possessions”. And I have a lot of it. I have filled a basement the size of a 2-car garage with stuff. In the actual garage we can only use one side for parking a car as the other side is filled with more stuff. My dad lives 30 minutes from me in the house I grew up in as one of 5 kids and that house is filled with stuff as well. I think the situation is getting worse; my grandparents didn’t have this much stuff.

I believe that our stuff defines us. Without our stuff it would be like living in a hotel room.  It is a way to preserve who we are and what we did, kind of a living museum. But before one becomes a hoarder something happens that makes us pause and do some purging or in my case a change occurs and I am going through boxes! Do I really need to keep every skateboard, soccer ball, ice skate that my daughters used? Can I finally get rid of the bins of Beanie Babies? I think is it official that the worth of this collection will not even cover their books let alone my original plan to pay for college tuition. At the peak of this frenzy, I actually called McDonalds in the metro area to ask what Teenie Beanie Babies they were giving away and then would drive over to buy a Happy Meals.

Tell me about your stuff and how do you prevent having it overtake you? Is it part of your change process or does something else trigger your need to get rid of stuff?

Recently we took a trip, along with a few other good women, to a small village in England. The goal: to do nothing but enjoy ourselves and escape our daily lives. We rented a beautiful cottage from the National Trust in a small village that has been seen in films such as Harry Potter and Pride and Prejudice. Yes, we were told that Colin Firth had actually sat on the sofa. We ate at lovely local restaurants, drank in the pub every night and got to know the locals who referred to us as the “American Ladies in the House.”

It did not surprise me that I could turn off my normal life, leave my worries behind and successfully represent American’s everywhere in a Pub quiz (we came in second). What did surprise me was that we could fly halfway around the world, arrive at Heathrow on various airlines, at various times, in various terminals and find each other with little more planning then to say “let’s meet at the luggage carousal.”

In my past life, before lay off, I wouldn’t have left the house with out a thoroughly organized plan and a back up plan. Everyone traveling with me would have had to participate in at least one conference call and would have received a variety of emails with proper written documentation. Everyone would have known what to do if plan A failed and plan B needed to be implemented or even plan C. Contact information, emergency contact information, and who to contact in case of the apocalypse would have been provided.

So when did I go from being part of the Planning Gestapo to having this Margarita Ville type of attitude? How did I acquire this state of calm, this “all will be right with the world in due time” attitude? Does not being stressed every day because you can’t possibly accomplish all that is expected of you have an impact? Is it because I now only take on assignments I can do and want to do? Does actually stopping to smell the roses, even if you are forced to, have an empowering effect?

So what is your attitude now that you have been with out a job for some time? Is it a daily act of self-control or did a certain level of calmness sneak up on you too? Do you feel better, worse, indifferent?

And most importantly, what are you going to do about it?

It appears to me that as I get older and look back at what was important to me in my work life, I find each decade can be characterized differently. I also find I have inadvertently come full circle. I hope this doesn’t mean I am about to die or something.

The 20’s- high need to change the world, make a difference. Did not really care about the money as much I cared about the mission.

The 30’s- high need to do it all, career, marriage, and children. Realization that I needed to pay my Nordstrom’s bill.

The 40’s- recognition that while I can do it all, something has to give, so one foregoes sleep, tries to attend children’s functions, and is constantly negotiating with time spent with work, husband, children. A desperate need for flexibility.

The 50’s- realization I will not change the world but now want to give back to the world, make a difference and still need to pay my Nordstrom’s bill.

Isn’t there a line like “the only definites in life are death and taxes”. My version of that is “the only definites in life are wanting to make a difference and the Nordstrom’s bill.”

What are your definites?