The Unstuck Woman

I have seen in print that 60 is the new 40, 50 is the new 30, 40 is the new 30. You get the idea, but I wonder if it really is true. Now just to be crystal clear, I will not be identifying my actual age here, but suffice it to say I fall into one of the 3 categories. I certainly don’t “feel” as old as I am, but every so often I get a glimpse of myself, see my reflection walking somewhere and am utterly shocked at the vision! Can that really be me? Or is it my mother?

I also have noticed that there are a lot of people around who are younger than me. I used to be the young person and now I am one of the older ones if not the oldest one. So if it is true that 50 is the new 30 and you get to be smarter and wiser-wow! It sounds like a great concept, but unfortunately with age and wisdom come cynicism.

I recently updated my resume and of course realized as soon as I identify that graduation date the reader will figure out how old I am unless I imply in some way and would probably have to document that I was gifted and graduated from college as a 13 year old. It could have happened. If you leave the date off it looks like you didn’t graduate and you also have to give dates of employment.

I get the feeling that unless you are applying for a job where they know you and have recruited you, they want younger, read cheaper, candidates. Maybe I am imagining it, maybe not.

Is anyone else imagining it? How can you be experienced and young? When do you stop being young? Has the number changed; has it actually lowered lately? Is 50 the new 70?

My mother has given up cooking. And she is not alone. I have met a variety of women her age who are no longer making the family meals—by choice. Of course their families are now only two people, but still they have to eat. Plus, my mother is Italian and cooking is such a big part of her culture. For her to give up cooking is like Stephen King saying he is no longer going to write, or Jack LaLanne choosing not to exercise anymore. These activities are such a huge part of who they are.

Now I know she is so much more then a cook, but cooking has always been a brilliant facet of who she is to me. So my question is, who are we? Are we merely a compilation of the things we do or is there much more to it then that? When I meet new people they often ask “what do you do?” and not “who are you?” Although I have been asked the later in a rather rude way, but I am sure not because the asker really wanted to know who I was on a philosophical level and it was followed by “and why are you here?”

I keep thinking of that little duck in the children’s story asking every animal “Are you my mother?”  He obviously didn’t define himself as a duck, but he seemed to relate to what the other animals were doing. How much of what we do is a part of who we are? And since I am not sure how to define what I do right now, does that mean I am unsure of who I am?

So who are you? I mean what do you do? Or do I?

Every time I anticipate any change or find any change hoisted upon me in my life I am struck by an urge to cut down on my stuff. So you can imagine this has been a fairly frequent situation for me over the last year with losing my job, having my youngest go off to college and officially be “empty nesters” and talking with my husband about how long we are going to stay in the house we have filled with stuff for 21 years. Maybe it is a sense of closure, out with the old, on with the new, or it may be part of the process for me. Maybe I am getting ready for the next phase by reflecting on the past– looking at all my stuff and trying to get rid of some of it.

The definition of stuff: according to Webster is: “materials, supplies, or equipment used in various activities: as personal property, possessions”. And I have a lot of it. I have filled a basement the size of a 2-car garage with stuff. In the actual garage we can only use one side for parking a car as the other side is filled with more stuff. My dad lives 30 minutes from me in the house I grew up in as one of 5 kids and that house is filled with stuff as well. I think the situation is getting worse; my grandparents didn’t have this much stuff.

I believe that our stuff defines us. Without our stuff it would be like living in a hotel room.  It is a way to preserve who we are and what we did, kind of a living museum. But before one becomes a hoarder something happens that makes us pause and do some purging or in my case a change occurs and I am going through boxes! Do I really need to keep every skateboard, soccer ball, ice skate that my daughters used? Can I finally get rid of the bins of Beanie Babies? I think is it official that the worth of this collection will not even cover their books let alone my original plan to pay for college tuition. At the peak of this frenzy, I actually called McDonalds in the metro area to ask what Teenie Beanie Babies they were giving away and then would drive over to buy a Happy Meals.

Tell me about your stuff and how do you prevent having it overtake you? Is it part of your change process or does something else trigger your need to get rid of stuff?