The Unstuck Woman

I remember a song from my youth called McArthur Park, something about leaving a cake out in the rain. I didn’t understand it then and I don’t understand it now. My point? That I wasn’t born yesterday, and yes, there are still things I don’t understand—perhaps never will.

One of those things is the expected time period for receiving and returning correspondence. In the days of my youth, before OS X, heck before computers even, I learned that the appropriate time period to return a letter (you remember something you mailed at the post office) was three to five days. Later, when I took a few business computer course early in my career, I learned if you responded to email and phone calls within 24 hours that was terrific. And if you couldn’t provide the information requested in that time period, a quick “Thanks for your email, I will get back to you on that” as an acknowledgement that you received the request and were working on an answer was a good idea.

But what about text messages and Instant Messages? Just the term “Instant Message” seems to imply you need to be instantaneous in your response. As I like to be thoughtful and accurate, instantaneous doesn’t always work and so I avoid the whole “IM” scene. That leaves text messages. I don’t often send text messages or reply to them because I don’t want people to think I “text” anymore then I “IM”. Why don’t I text? Because I can’t figure out the proper response time. Is it just a short email and the 24 hour rule applies? Is it more like an IM and thus an instantaneous reply is expected? Is it even appropriate to expect people you work with to use and reply to text messages?? So if someone sends me a text message to say they are going to be late for a conference call and I terminate the conference call after 10 minutes thinking they are a no show because I never saw the text message something like a tree falling in the woods with no one there to hear it?

What is the proper use of text messages in the work world? Is it an expectation for everyone?

What do you think??

Recently we took a trip, along with a few other good women, to a small village in England. The goal: to do nothing but enjoy ourselves and escape our daily lives. We rented a beautiful cottage from the National Trust in a small village that has been seen in films such as Harry Potter and Pride and Prejudice. Yes, we were told that Colin Firth had actually sat on the sofa. We ate at lovely local restaurants, drank in the pub every night and got to know the locals who referred to us as the “American Ladies in the House.”

It did not surprise me that I could turn off my normal life, leave my worries behind and successfully represent American’s everywhere in a Pub quiz (we came in second). What did surprise me was that we could fly halfway around the world, arrive at Heathrow on various airlines, at various times, in various terminals and find each other with little more planning then to say “let’s meet at the luggage carousal.”

In my past life, before lay off, I wouldn’t have left the house with out a thoroughly organized plan and a back up plan. Everyone traveling with me would have had to participate in at least one conference call and would have received a variety of emails with proper written documentation. Everyone would have known what to do if plan A failed and plan B needed to be implemented or even plan C. Contact information, emergency contact information, and who to contact in case of the apocalypse would have been provided.

So when did I go from being part of the Planning Gestapo to having this Margarita Ville type of attitude? How did I acquire this state of calm, this “all will be right with the world in due time” attitude? Does not being stressed every day because you can’t possibly accomplish all that is expected of you have an impact? Is it because I now only take on assignments I can do and want to do? Does actually stopping to smell the roses, even if you are forced to, have an empowering effect?

So what is your attitude now that you have been with out a job for some time? Is it a daily act of self-control or did a certain level of calmness sneak up on you too? Do you feel better, worse, indifferent?

And most importantly, what are you going to do about it?

It appears to me that as I get older and look back at what was important to me in my work life, I find each decade can be characterized differently. I also find I have inadvertently come full circle. I hope this doesn’t mean I am about to die or something.

The 20’s- high need to change the world, make a difference. Did not really care about the money as much I cared about the mission.

The 30’s- high need to do it all, career, marriage, and children. Realization that I needed to pay my Nordstrom’s bill.

The 40’s- recognition that while I can do it all, something has to give, so one foregoes sleep, tries to attend children’s functions, and is constantly negotiating with time spent with work, husband, children. A desperate need for flexibility.

The 50’s- realization I will not change the world but now want to give back to the world, make a difference and still need to pay my Nordstrom’s bill.

Isn’t there a line like “the only definites in life are death and taxes”. My version of that is “the only definites in life are wanting to make a difference and the Nordstrom’s bill.”

What are your definites?